After a long wait (a couple of weeks is torture, and I wouldn't even call it excruciating pleasure), Gossip Girl is FINALLY BACK, on the heels of one of the most epic episodes ever. Will this week live up to my expectations? We'll see.
So, like most grieving teenagers, Chuck tries to avoid his pain by hanging out in Opium dens in Thailand. What, Opium Dens in the english speaking world aren't good enough for you?
The Humphrey kids would believe that Rufus went to Boston in search of a painter...or...sculptor? Oh he's into mix media. Or she? Of course! That makes sense. Oh wait, no it doesn't.
Aren't those paintings in Rufus' studio currently hanging in Corydon Starbucks?
Is it just me or have the girls gotten worse? Asking a younger Jenny to pick up dresses is on thing, but making a peer lick ice cream off your shoe is another thing.
Furthermore, why do Blair (and to a lesser extent, Serena) always look perfect and chic but their lackeys look like mentally ill toddlers, dressing themselves for the first time?
Toss up for Funniest Lines of the night take place in the Headmistresses Office:
"Uncle Jack, what a surprise, how've you been?"
"Uh huh. So you don't remember our rickshaw ride down *some thai street* & our fifteen hour plane flight?"
"That was you?"
"I found Charles smoking marijunna on school property."
"It was hash, actually. I find it gives a softer high."
"Right. The evidence seems questionable."
HAHAHA. Perfect.
Furthermore, Uncle Jack is a sexy son of a bitch and a bad ass motha fuckah.
Rufus is upset about this Dan/Serena romance because they share a sibling? Yet he wasn't upset his son and the daughter of his ex-gf are sexin'? Come on, as if he hadn't been looking at Serena thinking "You could have been my daughter" this whole time. A little late to be grossed out by the incest, Roofie.
Penelope tells headmistress Kweller She is being bullied? Eric says, "Wow, that is kind of genius." I have to disagree. It's idiotic, but that's what makes it so true and so fucking funny.
Chuck: "Now is that it? Or are you going to tell me you love me again?"
BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!!!!
But playing Soho Dolls again? Like that's the ~*Victrola Soundtrack*~. A+ for consistency.
As if Dan would bring Serena back to his place. Is he begging for further embarassment from his angry ass dad? He's just going to look like a pussy when he gets the beats from his chubby daddy in front of his amazon GF. And of course, curious Dan so conveniently find his dad's bag on the chair RIGHT in front of him; and why would Rufus be so bothered as to maybe hide the map of Boston with all the orphanages highlighted?
Also, where the fuck do the Humphreys live? An Urban Outfitters catalogue?
"You're going to abandon him for a bunch of society matrons?"
"Those matrons as you call them are going to help me build a life."
Uh, they very clearly are matrons, Blair. They are more matronly than the girls my age who think they are being trendy and cutting off all their hair but getting a bad haircut and wind up looking like soccer moms. This argyle posse was a cute idea until you saw their leathery faces. These bitches are too old to make this story line work. For Christ's sake, these women are older than CeeCee and Iz. Furthermore, they look like men. Emma and I have concluded that if they were played by men, it would make the whole scene much more enjoyable and fun.
Also, Dorota's face was priceless when Blair booted the ladies out.
"I found some numbers. My dad was supposed to be looking for some artist. He was apparently visiting some orphanages."
Are you fucking kidding? You can't put together a bastard kid from these facts?
When Dan hears the truth he claims it's not possible and needs futher explanation from Chuck... Seriously, Dan? Don't you have ivy league ambitions? Learn to tie your shoelaces first, there, big guy.
Why are the strippers all fat and old? Chuck must be high of his fucking head to give these girls money. They are worse than the dancers in Winnipeg, and that's Winnipeg. New York should have some choice hottie strippers. Does the new venue come with the old hags?
Also, when Chuck was watching the dancers in slowmo? Totally missed an opportunity to flash back to youthful, slim Blair dancing cutely on Victrola contrasting with the fattie fat fat Grandmamas whoring it up.
Screw you guys, I think Ed Westwick is a good actor and a good drunk.
"You idiot! You don't surprise someone who's on the edge of a roof!"
Uh-oh. Does anyone else have the feeling that maybe Jack WANTS Chuckles dead?
"I'm Chuck Bass......who cares?"
"I do. I don't want you going anywhere. So, please, whatever you to do yourself. Please don't do that to me."
EPIC HAND GRAB. STUFF OF LEGENDS. WARM FUZZIES. etc etc
"He can't know what happened on New Years."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.
What happened on New Years?
They better have had sexual relations, or I will be REALLY disappointed.
I didn't think the writers would ever get back to the epic-ness of the Nate-Blair-Chuck triangle, but this, THIS is so twisted I think it just might.
