Sunday, October 19, 2008

Oct. 13 Gossip Girl


Hey Upper East Siders, I thought I should get this out of the way before this weeks Gossip girl (starting in thirteen minutes).
Frankly, after sobering on this episode for like, half an hour, I was like "hm..not that goood." It was like the episode was trying to make every character less likeable, which is difficult in the case of Serena.
Let's get crackin'.
On the positive side (awesome/realistic)...
  • Blair has another Audrey Dream. I don't care, I love it. Plus 3.
  • Blair has a mother-daugther moment with Dorota, reminiscing about Blair's hopes and dreams and childhood, and Eleanor is at work with little J. Plus 2.
  • Lily emphasizes that the dean hand wrote Serena a letter. In cursive. What the fuck? Why is she so bewildered that the head of an ivy league school (as Blair says, a part of the Holy Trinity) writes a letter in cursive? Plus 10, because the Van Der Woodsen clan (excluding Eric) probably were too stupid to ever evole from printing.
  • Dan debating paper colours? Ecru vs. White? Plus 4 for the American Phycho referance, even if it was unintentional.
  • When Blair tells Serena that frankly, she's not that smart? Plus 3 because honesty is the best policy, and because Blair would totally say something like that in a fight, probably after years of having that exact statement boiling up inside her, thrasing about violently to escape her petite frame of girly terror.
  • "Not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf."
    "Not everyone can be."
    So true. I've tried. Plus 2.
  • Blairs skirt, shirt & tie outfit? Not too cute, but ivy league appropriate. Plus 3 for Blair playing down the victorian look and playing up the academic one. Plus another 2 for Serenas slutacious monstrosity, tits everytown, because none of us believe that Serena doesn't whore herself out for attention.
  • Duh, Eleanor won't fire Jenny. She does all the work as what I assume to be the position of an un-paid intern. You don't make money these days without a little bit of child labour. Plus 4.
  • So we can all agree that Serena's whole moral compass act is the fakest thing about her (aside from her nose) as illustarted by her answer theivery? Plus 2 'cuz she would.
  • "That's latin for the Quiz!" Oh Blair. You own my heart. You can speak latin. <3>
  • Even though it's biased, plus 5 for "That's the man she killed." Hahaha. Clever. However, minus 4 because Blair would know better. Remember when Serena turned around the rehab thing at the Ivy Brnch last year? She can obviously turn this around, too.
  • "I HATE THAT STUPID HEADBAND!!!" Plus 2, Because I'm kind of tired of it, and I've only known Blair (watched the show) for a year. Serena's dealt with that headband FOR LIFE.
  • Plus only 2 for the fight, because even though it was a long time comin', it was sort of lame. They would both be able to at least punch the other on the arm.
  • Lily is trying on her daughters whore-dress. Plus 5, because Lily is a vain piece-of-work who would try to regain the feeling of use by parading around her house in such attire.
  • Plus 3 for Chuck's plan with blackmailing the skull and bones. Plus another 2 for "killing two birds with one stone" and getting back Douchebag Humphrey.
  • Plus 2 for Nate thinking Dan's a pretty cool guy and getting on the bus with him, because he is too dim to realize Chuck may have real reasons to hate Dan. CAN'T YOU SEE THE HEARTBREAK ON HIS FACE?

On the negative (lame/unrealistic) Side...

  • Serena tries to hide the paper from her mother in the morning? Yeah right, Serena, like you're suddenly so bashful regarding attention. Wasn't it only a week ago that you were too sparkly to be held back and staying out the end of the runway for forty five minutes?
  • Wasn't Serena SO mad at Blair a week ago? Why would she make akward conversation in the hallway like "oh hai...you gonna go to Yale?" Actually, plus 2, because teen girls really are awkward in fights.
  • Minus 4 because Chuck's party was a little ridiculous. "They do their best work in threes"? It should be harder than this to important 50 non-english speaking hookers.
  • Furthermore, these girls used lipstick cameras? Minus 4, because someone would have noticed if they were all whipping out lipstick and holding it still, pointing it at Debeauchery.
  • Nate's father fled the country, they're being investigated, he had to whore himself out for money...yet he still thinks that no one else knows about his money troubles and he can escape gossip at Yale? Even if he's this stupid, Chuck would've told me he was sadly mistaken. Minus 3.
  • Minus 3 because I, too, watch the Tudors, but I don't memorize the names of the Popes. So Serena wouldn't either.
  • Minus 3 for tieing "Nate" up to a column in his boxers being this great accomplishment for the Skull and Bones. THIS IS A HIGHLY DEVIOUS SECRET SOCIETY FROM WHAT I'VE READ IN CONSPIRACY THEORY BOOKS. They'd come up with something better than that.
  • Nate wants to go to Yale because it's his "safety" school, Serena wants to go to piss off/be with Blair, Yale is Blair's dream, and Dan wants to go because Yale poached Dartmouth's english department? What do you think the odds are that Chuck will want to go to Yale for Blair and/or Nate? This is all wrapping up a bit too nicely.
  • BLAIR. BLAIR. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING IN THE LAST FEW MINUTES OF THE EPISODE? The hat! The skirt! The shirt! Did I mention the hat? Minus 15, because this outfit makes no sense. Blair would NOT wear this.
  • Wasn't there a big deal about Nelly Yuki being Blair's yale competition? And no one else cared about Yale? Now everyone is at yellow EXCEPT Nelly Yuki? Minus 3 for lack of continuity, and minus 2 because I just love Nelly Yuki and they robbed her of a plot line. :(
  • Minus 8 because I don't believe for a minute that Blair would have any trouble getting into Yale. Great SAT scores, great grades, comes from a wealthy background and is a legacy. COME ON.
  • Ok so, the dean wants a socialite to come to his school? That makes it look an intellectual institution? I won't give minus points though, because this would explain Natalie Portman's time at Harvard.

Too lazy too tally.
I assume positive won out.

No comments: